I have been sad and moody for the last couple of days. Today I realized why. My parents are here. This trip has been planned since last year sometime. It is the only thing that we had on our calendar for after Nathaniel was supposed to be here. It was when my parents were supposed to meet their grandson. Instead they met him in February at his memorial service.
We have been having fun and doing fun things over the last couple of days, but we should be having fun with an almost four month old along with us. We could have done the exact same things that we have done over the last couple of days with an infant. We could have gone to the train museum and stayed with them at the campground and gone to the beach and for hikes and out to dinner and to high tea. I know because I have seen them at every one of the places we have gone.
I thought I was doing so well for the last couple of weeks. Not anymore. Friday it will be 4 months that he has been gone. I have not planned what to do that day yet. I need to do something. I just don't know what. It needs to be special and it needs to be fun for me. I was thinking of volunteering somewhere, but that would have required me to make a phone call and I just couldn't. Maybe I will. I have a few more days.
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