New Decorations

We got some new decorations for Nathaniel's grave at Feed My Starving Children when we were there to pack meals for his birthday. Abby picked out the giraffe, which she named Giraffy. 

The next day we brought them to the cemetery and put them in place. We have since removed the Christmas lights. Soon we will have to bring some of his other summertime things back.

Nathaniel Day 24 - Birthday Packing Party

We decided for Nathaniel's birthday party this year to volunteer with our family at Feed My Starving Children. We spent the afternoon packing meals to send to starving kids around the world. Grandmas and Grandpa and Dave's sister and brother in law and their kids were able to join us for the afternoon. I signed us up as a birthday party so there was even a sign saying happy birthday to Nathaniel. It was a little awkward when they were looking for the birthday people and we said Nathaniel wasn't there. We got there late so didn't have a chance to tell anyone beforehand. But if we had talked to someone about the situation maybe they wouldn't have announced his name.

I think everyone enjoyed the packing. Abby did all the jobs. She scooped and weighed and labeled and helped box. She was one tired girl after the session was done. 

I have no idea how much our little group of me, Dave, and 5 kids packed. We weren't very good about keeping track of how many boxes we did. The whole big group ended up packing 125 boxes which would be enough to feed 74 kids for a year.

After the session we bought Nathaniel a bird and a giraffe at the FMSC shop to decorate his grave. We have been meaning to get him some new decorations, but hadn't found anything we liked yet. This way we got something fun and provided 140 meals for starving kids.

After the packing we picked up some mexican food. Most of us went over to Grandma's house for some dinner and birthday cake. It turned out to be a really fun day.

Nathaniel's Christmas

Before Christmas I was concerned that Nathaniel was going to be forgotten this Christmas. He wasn't. At all. He got gifts from family and friends (ornaments and a figurine for us and a flock of ducks and books for others) and his name was included with the rest of the grandchildren in a bracelet for Grandma.

Thank you to everyone who gave us something in memory of him. It means so much to us that you remembered him.

Feeling Overwhelmed

Abby took this picture of me this morning. This is how I feel right now. Buried.

Christmas is coming soon and I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have so many things to do and don't feel like I can do any of them. I shouldn't have taken on so many things.

Making lots of Christmas presents this year was probably not the best of ideas. I didn't really think much of it when I made the decision, and it probably wouldn't have been a big deal if I had started working on them right away, but I didn't. I started last week on everything besides the ornaments (those were a much bigger job than I original thought too). So now I still have two presents to make that need to be mailed so they really need to be done in the next couple of days and at least one more needs to be bought to be shipped with them.

I made a list this morning of all the things that I need to get done. It was way more than I originally thought. (Since making the list I did cross off 3 things so it is helping, but that doesn't make it any less overwhelming.) I don't think it's going to all get done without me staying up way to late every night and exhausting myself. I'm going to either have to not do some of them until later, get help, or not do them at all.

Dave is going to be home starting Wednesday. That could be helpful except he has a project that he is planning to do while he is off. He is going to replace the tile in the bathroom. That will take days and while he is doing it Abby and I are going to go stay at his parent's house. So really anything that needs to be done needs to be done by Wednesday or Thursday.

On top of all of this Dave wants to do something as a present for Nathaniel. I think it's a great idea. I'm all for it, but I do not have the energy to think about it at all. So if it's going to happen it's up to him and he knows that.

And Nathaniel's birthday is coming up in less than 2 months. I want to have some sort of party. I don't know what, but we need to figure that out soon too. It will have to wait until after Christmas. I just don't have the capacity to think about it now.

10 Months

Dear Nathaniel,

You're going to be a big brother. I want you to know that just because there is going to be another baby doesn't mean we have forgotten you. We think and talk about you all the time. I think we will for the rest of our lives. I certainly hope so. You are our son and always will be. We just found out this week that the baby is a girl. In a few more months you are going to have a baby sister.

It's really hard for Mommy right now. Last year at this time we were getting ready for you to come home. People were excited. You got presents for Christmas from relatives. This year we are decorating your tree and hanging up a stocking for you, but there won't be any presents for you from us under our tree. I doubt anyone else will get you anything either and that makes me sad. I think it will make me even sadder if your baby sister, who isn't here yet, gets presents and you don't. People, other than us, certainly talk more about her than you now.

Today it has been 10 months since you were born. We are going to decorate your little tree in the backyard with lights and ornaments for Christmas. A while ago Mommy and Daddy and Abby went shopping. We each picked out a special ornament for your tree. We invited other people to come help decorate and hang an ornament for you too. We'll soon see if anyone else comes.

Mommy

One Down, Lots to Go

I finished the first of the Nathaniel ornaments I'm making. A few others have been started, but need a little more work to be finished. I still haven't decided if every person is going to get one or just every family so I'm not sure how many I need to make.

Since my family reads this and they are for them I'm not going to post pictures now. Instead I will post a picture of the one I made for us. It is different from the rest.

For all the new babies in the family I make a bear ornament for their first Christmas. So I made one for Nathaniel that will hang on our tree. It is different from the ones all the other kids have since it is made with paper from cards that we got after he died and this bear is holding a heart. All the others are just white bears.

Spending Nathaniel's Money

We had a registry for stuff for Nathaniel. We mostly created it because the store where we made it was having a promotion that gave a small percentage of money spent on the purchases of items off the registry back about a month after the baby was supposed to be born. We figured we would use it ourselves as a list of things that we could use or needed to be replaced after Abby, not expecting to have a shower for Nathaniel since he was our second child. It turned out that friends from church threw us a shower and people were really generous so we actually got quite a bit off of our registry.

Even after returning a lot of stuff after Nathaniel died, I still got a gift card in my email a little over a month after his birth. It was about a week after the group from church had gone to Guatemala so we didn't have anything to use it on. I was planning on maybe using it to buy a baby gift if I needed one. (There are a few people who we know who are pregnant.) But I haven't been invited to any baby showers and none of the babies are born yet.

The gift card has an expiration date. That date is coming up. Quickly. So I figured that we need to go use it. Since I have been thinking about Operation Christmas Child boxes, we decided to use it to buy stuff for that. So tomorrow we are going to make a trip to the store as a family and see how many things we can find to buy with that gift card. I hope there's a lot.

Sending Christmas Presents From Nathaniel

Every year as a family we make shoe boxes to send overseas to kids in need with Operation Christmas Child. I collect stuff all year to put in them. Whenever I find a really good deal on something that would be good for them I buy a bunch and put it in a box in the closet. I was at the grocery store recently and they had carts of little girl's sandals for free. I got a bunch. They should fit some little girl. So into the box they went.

Before Nathaniel was born I had bought some presents for him for Christmas this year. In the collection are some books that are great for babies. They are made of special rip-proof paper  that is even washable. They are picture books. They have no words so should be great in boxes. It doesn't matter what country they will end up going to. They are now in the box.

Back to school sale season is here. There will be lots of great deals on school supplies for the next month or so. I will get a bunch of notebooks and pencils, markers and crayons, scissors and glue when they are cheap and they will all go in the box too.

I think I'm going to need a much bigger box this year. It's already overflowing with what I've collected so far and that's after I gave away some of the school supplies that were left over from last year to send to Guatemala with the team from church.

Want to help us send presents? You can make boxes yourself or you can collect stuff and give it to us and we can pool everything and make lots of boxes. Collection week isn't until November so you have lots of time. Last year I think we made 8 as a family. I don't really have a goal of how many to do this year, but I want to do lots and lots for Nathaniel. We won't be buying presents for him this year (or ever) so we can use what we would have spent to send love and hope and joy to little children around the world who don't have anything. If they get a shoebox gift it might be the only present that they have ever gotten in their life.

If you would like more information contact me using the form at the bottom of the page or go to the Operation Christmas Child website.

An Addition to the Garden

For Father's Day Grandma helped Abby decorate some rocks. There was one for each one of us and one that said family. I suggested we put them under Nathaniel's tree so that they wouldn't be sitting around the house. I think they look very nice there.

Look What I Got

My sister unexpectedly sent me a Nathaniel necklace in the mail. I cried when I opened the package and saw what it was.

It says "God has you in his arms, I have you in my heart" and the bar has his name on it.

It's perfect. I love it!