It's August which means it's back to school time again. It's a time of the year that I love and look forward to for at least the last month of the summer since that means that I will have one less kid at home all day long. It's much more peaceful and I have nap time to do whatever I want. At the same time it is something that I dread because I will have to explain Nathaniel to new people.
This year Abby is in first grade. She is in the dual language program at her school which basically means that she has two teachers and two whole classes worth of kids in her class. Last year there were at least eight dual language kindergarten classes. Any of the kids in those eight classes could be in her class this year. That's potentially a lot of new people.
Today Abby, Felicity, and I went to school to drop off supplies and meet her teachers. Since we were there early there was no one else in the room for a while and I took the opportunity to let both of her teachers know that Abby also has a brother who died. We like to let her teachers know about Nathaniel right away, if possible, because he is very much a part of our family and Abby brings him up all the time. Often when she meets other kids she immediately tells them that she has a baby brother but he died. I've witnessed this many many times at the park when Abby meets someone new. It never seems to bother the other kid at all.
Meeting new people has always been hard for me. I am terrible at small talk and one of the first things that most people ask about is how many kids you have or if you have other kids besides the one that they know about through school or other activity. I hate answering that question and never know what I am going to say. Sometimes I tell people about him and sometimes I just say that I have two girls at home.
As time passes that conversation comes up more often. In some ways it was so much easier at the beginning, right after he died. We told everyone all at once so everyone that we came in contact with fairly regularly already knew. That is not the case anymore. I think there are even people at our very small church who don't know about him at all. We have several new families that have come in the last couple of years and I'm not sure that we have ever told them.
I never know what is going to happen when I tell people about Nathaniel. Sometimes it ends the conversation and sometimes people want to know more. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I'm perfectly fine. Today I got teary when I told the first teacher, but a few minutes later was fine telling the second one. I have no idea why. I really do like talking about him. I just don't enjoy the initial conversation at all.
Today (October 15th) is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. This year it was also the day of our local hospital's annual Walk to Remember. We walked and released balloons to remember Nathaniel and all the other babies who died too soon. Then tonight Dave and the girls lit a candle for the international wave of light to remember all the babies and children who have died.
