100th Post

I haven't posted for a while so here are a few random things:

This is my 100th post. I didn't think I had that much to say when I started this blog. 

I got past 1 million likes the other day. Crazy! I think it took 10 days from when I posted about it.

We carved pumpkins the other day. Abby insisted that we needed to buy one for Nathaniel and carve it. We did, I didn't take a picture of it, we put it out on the porch and some creature ate his face off. Stuff like that always seems to happen. It's so annoying. It seems to always be Nathaniel's stuff that breaks or is lost, not Abby's.

We're still waiting on our Nathaniel bear from Molly Bears. We were told that it would be in production by October 31st, but that's in 2 days and I haven't heard anything. I know it will be here soon and it will be way sooner than I had originally thought, but the waiting is hard.

I have an idea of what we will do for next month's Nathaniel Day. It won't be as much as most months. Dave is working. It's a Thursday. Abby has story time at the library on Thursdays so we will go to that. It's in the late morning so we will probably have lunch somewhere and then do our Nathaniel Day activity. We might have some friends join us this month. It's fun when other people can participate too. 

Candles Lit for the Babies

Last night we participated in the International Wave of Light for the babies gone too soon. I tried to remember all of the ones that I personally know of and lit candles for each of them.

We lit 19 candles and then prayed for their families. There were candles for: Hannah, Hope, Faith, Noah, Colton, Conner & Ben, Nathaniel, Edward, Mikayla, and a few others who's names I don't know or were lost early in pregnancy and never given names.

International Wave of Light

1 Million Likes

When I started this blog I decided to put a Facebook like button on the page. I don't look at the actual website very often so I don't see the stats that show up there frequently. It really doesn't matter to me anyway. I just write. If one person is impacted by something that I wrote that's enough for me.

I remember a few months back, maybe a month after I had started the blog, that I had looked at the home page and was up to about 8000 likes. I thought that was a pretty high number. I don't know that many people. Then a few days ago I looked and it was up to well over 900,000. Wow!

Now I wonder how long it will take to get to a million. (A million people have seen my blog!!!) A week? A month? A year? It really doesn't matter, but it's fun to guess.

Walk to Remember 2014

Yesterday was our hospital's annual Walk to Remember for all of the babies lost there. It was a good time to meet some other families that are walking the same road as we are since most of the time at our monthly grief group it is usually just us and one or two other people. There were about 10 to 15 families there, which was not as many as I expected.

Two of the nurses that were with me while I was in the hospital with Nathaniel were there too. It was good to catch up with them and share some of the information about stillbirth that we have found.

Abby's balloon for baby brother

We were able to write a message on a sign and a balloon to release. Then we went outside and took a little walk to the memorial garden that the hospital has set up. A poem written by one of the loss moms was read, we all were able to say the names of the babies we were there for, and then we released all the balloons.

After the balloon release we went back inside and ate lots of delicious food while a few people shared their stories with the whole group. For a lot of us our losses seemed to be fairly recent. One that shared had lost their son in June and another who was there lost their daughter in September. I'm sure it was good for them to be able to share their stories. We didn't speak to the whole group, but I think both Dave and I individually spoke to a few people each.

I'm glad I went. I'm sure we will be participating for many years to come. Hopefully we are able to share some hope with the group.

Writing messages to Nathaniel

PAIL Awareness

October is Pregnancy and infant loss (PAIL) month. In particular, October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day. As the 15th approaches there are lots of walks and remembrance ceremonies in the loss community all over the world. Ours at the hospital is today.

You might not know of anyone who lost a pregnancy or baby, but you probably know someone who has lost a child at some age. Take time to remember them this week. Write a note to the family, give them a call, go with them to an event, do something to help them see that other people remember their child too. It will mean the world to them.

I plan on writing a note this week to a couple in our grief group. They just lost their son at 26. He might have been an adult, but he was still their son.

Finally in Place

We got a call from the cemetery this morning to tell us that Nathaniel's marker had been placed. After 5 1/2 months of waiting it is finally there. We were able to go see it this afternoon. That was much harder than I had anticipated. I didn't expect to break into tears the second that I saw it. The other times that we have been to the cemetery, and we have been there several times but not for a few months, I have been fine. Today I was not.

I guess it was kind of a big day. There's really nothing else for us to do for him now. We will continue to do things because of him all the time, but really nothing else will be for him ever again.

Nathaniel Day 8 - Apple Picking

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months here, here, here, here, here, and here.

This month Nathaniel Day was not a whole day dedicated to doing fun things, but I realize that sometimes that is going to happen. Sometimes things will come up on the 6th that we need to go to. We had a funeral to go to in the morning and our grief group to go to in the evening. We still got to spend the whole afternoon outside on a beautiful day picking apples. Grandma was even able to come with us. We all had a fun time and ate a lot of apples. (I think Abby had 5 while we were there.)

Our bag of apples is already about half gone and it's been less than a week since we went. I think we might have to go again in a couple of weeks to replenish our apple supply and maybe get some of the kinds that weren't ready to pick yet.

Daddy helping Abby reach some apples

Got one!

Found some low ones for Abby to pick

Going to find more apples to pick

Mommy's turn to pull Abby and the apples

All done. 

Abby wanted a picture by the pumpkins

Family picture

An Unexpectedly Good Day

I was thinking on the way home from grief group tonight that today was a really good day. It wouldn't appear that way to many people. My day started with going to a funeral and ended going to a grief group. But it really was a good day.

At the funeral in the morning I got to be with some of my good friends to support them on a really hard day. I was reminded of Nathaniel and cried a lot through the morning, but that's ok. I was there. I understand how important just showing up is.

In the afternoon we went apple picking as a family for Nathaniel Day and had a lot of fun. Grandma was able to come with us too. We had a fun time outside on a beautiful fall day.

Then to end the day I went to grief group. There I was able to share a lot about Nathaniel. I had brought my book and by the end of the night nearly everyone had read it. I got so many hugs and was able to tell people about all the things we are doing because of Nathaniel and the legacy that he has already.

Making Nathaniel Hearts

I have been meaning to start making paper hearts with the envelopes and flowers we got for Nathaniel for a long time. Today was a beautiful fall day and we didn't have any plans or need to do anything so I asked Abby if she would like to help me. She wanted to help and seemed to have a fun time. We ended up making two batches so we have two different colored hearts drying in our back room right now. I'm curious to see what they end up looking like when they are completely dry.

What we started with. A pile of papers and some dried flower petals.

Abby did a really good job adding the water.

Testing to see if the hearts are dry enough.

All done. Look at what we made.