Abby and I go to the library on Thursdays. Sometimes while we are there we see a group of special needs adults, often where we are in the preschool section. Today they were just getting there as we were leaving. One man looked at us. I smiled at him.
We went to the grocery store after the library as we do sometimes. When we got there a young man was hanging out outside. He appeared to be waiting for someone, maybe someone to pick him up. He was still there when we were leaving and I noticed that he was getting carts that were left in the parking lot and putting them back to get the quarter. I could have left my cart for him, but I didn't. I put it back. I thought about asking him if he needed anything. I probably should have said something but I didn't. It was late. We needed to get home to eat lunch. As I was walking back to my car I smiled at him and said hi.
Since Nathaniel died I have been very aware of the people around me. I want to make sure that everyone I know is ok. If they aren't, I want to help them. I may not be able to, but I desperately want to.
I am now more aware of the invisible people, the outcasts of society. We walk by them and look the other way. If we ignore them then maybe they won't ask us for something; money, acceptance, love. Maybe it's just too painful to us, the passerby, to acknowledge them. Some days I have felt like an outcast myself. It seems that people avoid talking to me. They either don't know what to say or don't want me to be sad. It really doesn't matter. It still hurts.
Now I know that it is worse on the other side, being ignored or, even worse, avoided so that someone else doesn't feel bad, I don't want to do that to people anymore. I may not have anything to give them physically, but I can smile and say hi.
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