Baby Shower Anxiety

I'm going to a baby shower today for my sister in law who is due in May. I'm excited about it and anxious at the same time. I know that I wouldn't be able to handle a shower for me right now. Will I be OK at one for someone else…who is having a boy? I don't know. I want to have fun, but haven't been to a baby shower since the one that was thrown for me for Nathaniel so I have no idea how I am going to react or if something will be a trigger for me. I seem to be OK seeing babies now so maybe it will be alright. I really hope so.

Nathaniel Day 13 - A Visit, Eating Out, and a Movie

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months here (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12).

This month Nathaniel Day fell on a Friday. It was a little cold and Abby and I were both a little sick with colds so we didn't end up doing a whole lot.

We drove over to Nathaniel's grave. We hadn't been there for a while. I was going to clean the snow off and remove the little Christmas lights. I'm glad I decided to bring boots for both of us. There was more snow than I was anticipating and I didn't take into account the berm of plowed snow that we needed to climb over to get to his grave. The snow got mostly cleaned off, but the lights were too frozen into the ground to take out. I didn't have anything to replace them with anyway. Maybe next month we'll take them out. By then the snow should be all gone and we might want some springy decorations there anyway. I told Abby she could pick something new out. She was pretty excited about that.

Abby was very excited about her mac n cheese

Before we left for the cemetery we ordered lunch online so that it would be ready to pick up when we got there. We made a quick stop to pick it up and then came home to eat our lunch and watch the movie that Abby had picked out the day before. We both had a fun afternoon relaxing and watching the movie.

When Dave got home he wanted to go out for dinner and get some fish (since it is Lent and you can find it everywhere) so we quick got in the car and went to Culvers. We had a good dinner and got some  dessert to go since it was time to get home and watch the Amazing Race (Abby's favorite).

It was a pretty low key day, and I think they will be for a while (I have a doctor's appointment next month and then we will have a newborn), but we are going to keep doing something every month. I want Nathaniel Day to be something that both girls participate in for a long time. It doesn't have to be something big, but we need to do something.

Nathaniel's Legacy at the Library

We got a thank you letter from the library yesterday. It included a list of all the books that were donated or bought by the library with funds people gave for Nathaniel's birthday. I brought two more over today so now the total is now 57 books donated in Nathaniel's name.

If you donated and included your address on the form you should be receiving a thank you letter from the library. If you donated money there will be a list of the books that the library bought in your name.

We were at the library today so I decided to see if any of them were there. Most were checked out, but I did find four or five. So if you donated a book (or books) here is what they look like.

13 Months

Today is 13 months since Nathaniel died. I had a hard time thinking of something fun to do today. Abby and I are both a little sick so I didn't want to go somewhere inside and infect lots of people. It's also supposed to be warm so all the snow will be melting and it will be sloppy and I can't walk for long without pain so an outside activity is out too. I decided yesterday when we were at the library that I would let Abby get a movie and we would have a movie day and if we are up to it we might go to the park.

The day is really not what I would like it to be, but that's ok. I don't really need the distraction any more and can't do too much activity anyway.

I'm sure we will keep doing fun things for Nathaniel Day each month. They just might be small things for a while. That's ok.

Nathaniel's 1st Birthday Party

This month has gone by quickly. I just realized that it is going to be March in a couple of days and I haven't posted about the big birthday party yet. So here you go. Sorry for the long wait.

Thank you to everyone who came to the party and celebrated with us, and to those who supported us from far away with messages and donations. We appreciate all of you.

Nathaniel's party had a hot air balloon theme. We invited about 100 people and about 40 showed up on Sunday afternoon for the party. We all had a lot of fun.

We colored balloon pictures, played pin the kid on the balloon, and had a piñata (which got broken accidentally right before we were going to do it, but was luckily able to be fixed with lots of tape). We had snacks, sang happy birthday (Abby blew out the candle on the cake), and had cake and cupcakes.



There was so much food left over. We still have a couple pieces of cake in our refrigerator now and that is after Dave brought a bunch to work a couple of times and we gave some to friends.

People brought books for us to donate to our local library. We also got some donations of books and money from family and friends that were not able to make it to the party.

Abby had fun unwrapping all of the books. Then she would make us read each one to her three times.







We were also given a few other gifts for Nathaniel's birthday. My sister and her family gave us this angel and child figurine. (We got a similar one for Christmas from my other sister.)

My friend Krystal and her family had some trees planted in a National Forest in Michigan for him.









I brought 42 books over to the library last week along with some cash donations. We have since gotten a few more books so are up to 44 now. The librarians were very excited to get all the new board books. And somehow we only got two duplicates.

After they are processed each one will have a book plate in it that says that they were donated in memory of Nathaniel. I'm excited to possibly be able to check out books for baby sister that were donated for Nathaniel.

Nathaniel Day 12 - a Play and Dinner

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months here (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11).

This month for Nathaniel Day Abby and I went to go see some kids from church perform in the play hairspray. We had a good time. Abby was very excited when she saw the kids on stage. "He goes to my church!" She said the play was "like the Wiggles" with the singing and dancing. For some reason she didn't take her coat or hat off the entire hour and a half play and only took her mittens off at the end.

We spent the afternoon doing a little prep work for the birthday party. Abby helped wash all the strawberries, cut some cheese, and put crackers in a bowl.





After the party prep we (maybe just I) took a nap for a while until Dave came home.

Dave had made dinner reservations for us at Buca di Bepo, a fun Italian restaurant not too far from us. It was Abby's first time there. She was convinced they had macaroni and cheese. We weren't so sure, but she was right. They had it on the kid's menu. We all had lots of delicious food and even decided to get some cheesecake for dessert since we were celebrating Nathaniel's birthday. It was gigantic. All three of us shared it and we still brought half home.

Abby's kid's mac n cheese.

Our dinner: Chicken with artichokes and bacon with lemon sauce. 

The other half of our dinner: four different filled pastas

1 Year

Happy birthday baby boy! It's hard to believe that it's been a year since you were born. Today we don't have much planned. Abby and I are going to do something fun this morning and we will go out for dinner as a family tonight. 

On Sunday we are going to have a big birthday party for you. We invited 100 people! Presents have already started coming in from people who are not able to make it. We asked people to give board books that we can donate to the library. I have a feeling that the library is going to have a whole lot of new books next week.

We miss you and wish you were here so we could all celebrate your birthday together.

Mommy