Nathaniel Day 15 - A Walk With New Friends

Abby strolling puppy back to the car

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months here (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14).

I am part of an online group of moms who had babies born in February 14. Recently one of them posted about an organization that has hikes for moms (and/or other adults) and kids. I looked it up and there was a branch in Racine, WI. That's not too far from me. It sounded like a fun thing to try out and they were having a hike on May 6th. It was at a park with a paved path so I would be able to have the stroller and it was in the afternoon so there was a chance that we could make it there on time.

It was a beautiful day. We had fun on the walk. We got exercise,  met new friends, and explored a new place. There was a boy who was 4. He and Abby had a great time together at the playground where we stopped at end of the walk. Abby did great. She walked the whole way.

We have since gone on another hike with some of the same people and we are planning on going again for our next Nathaniel Day activity. Since it's a Saturday Dave will be able to come with us that time. 

Felicity's First Trip to Visit Nathaniel

Several weeks ago we went out to lunch for Dave's mom's birthday. It was a beautiful warm day so we decided to visit Nathaniel's grave on the way home. Dave and I hadn't been there for Nathaniel Day so we wanted to see the new decorations and see if there was grass yet.

The grass planted on his grave was starting to grow and there were buds on the flowering tree above it, but they weren't open yet.

Abby left her balloon from the restaurant for baby brother. That was a big deal for her. She doesn't easily give things up. She also picked a bouquet of dandelions for him and left them on his stone.

While we were there Abby explained to Felicity where we were and why we go there. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was really cute. She definitely understands.

Happy 1st Birthday Blog

This day last year I started this blog. I wrote and published my first post. I never thought that I would be able to keep it up or have the impact that I am having. I never thought I would have so much to say or that people would actually want to read it. Apparently 1.5 million people do. Craziness.

It was just a suggestion that was made in a seminar about book publishing as a way to get noticed and have a better chance of publishing. I still haven't done much about that. I hope to be able to focus on it again now that Felicity is here.

Nathaniel Day 14 - New Decorations and a Baby Sister

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months here (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13).

In the morning Grandma and Grandpa dropped off Abby at the hospital to meet baby sister. She had a great time holding her. While she was there the professional photographer stopped by and we decided to take some pictures. We got her to take some with Abby, Felicity, and Nathaniel bear. 

It wasn't quite the picture that I had imagined since Felicity wasn't wearing her little sister shirt anymore. She had gotten it all dirty earlier in the day. I will just have to try again later to get all three in their sibling shirts.

Abby had been calling baby sister Rudolph since some time in December. When she met her she continued, but by the time Abby left she stopped calling her Rudolph and started to use her actual name.

Abby stayed and had lunch with us at the hospital and then Grandma and Grandpa took her back to their house.

I had planned to take Abby to the store to pick out some new, springy decorations for Nathaniel's grave, but since I was in the hospital Grandma took her. Abby picked out a sunflower for baby brother. I had found the pinwheel before Easter in the dollar section at Target.

It wasn't the day that I had imagined, but I never thought that I would be having a baby that day. From now on Nathaniel Day will also be celebrating her too.

Spreading Hope

A few days after Felicity was born I saw a request for birth stories of rainbow babies (babies born after pregnancy or child loss) on a site that I read a lot while I was pregnant with Felicity. I felt like I needed to submit the blog post I had written here so I did. They decided to publish it. It is up today here: http://www.pregnancyafterlosssupport.com/rainbow-birth-story-felicity-hope/

I hope it gives people some hope. I know there are a lot out there that could use some.

Scars

I really didn't want to ever have a c section, but I had one with Nathaniel. It was an all around horrible experience. I did not want to have to go through any of that again with this pregnancy so I was determined that I was going to try for a VBAC.

I had another reason to not want one too, but I didn't share this reason with anyone until after Felicity was born. I didn't want a c section because I didn't want to lose the scar that I have from Nathaniel. It's the only physical reminder that I have that he really did exist. I didn't make it up or imagine it. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes it feels like I did.

Now Felicity is here. There was lots of c section talk for her whole pregnancy even up until an hour before she was born, but I didn't have to have one. She ended up to be a successful VBAC in the end. I still have my Nathaniel scar and I'm happy about that.

Big Brother Nathaniel

Dear Nathaniel,

You are now a big brother. Baby sister is here now. She decided to come on Nathaniel day so you're going to have to be a big brother and share. Sometimes the 6th will have to be about both of you now.

We named your baby sister Felicity Hope (not Rudolph like Abby wanted). She is a great baby. She eats and sleeps well. And she's really really cute. We love her, but she doesn't replace you or make it all better that you aren't here with us too. I want all my kids here with me. All three of them.

After you were born I spent many many nights awake in the middle of the night. I should have been up nursing a newborn, but instead I was up thinking. I couldn't turn my mind off to go to sleep. I was so tired, but couldn't sleep. So I wrote. I wrote Abby's book. I wrote this blog. Eventually it got better I was able to sleep at night again. All night.

After Felicity was born I was not able to sleep at night. I should have been sleeping since she was, but instead I was awake thinking of you. That's what is happening right now. She's sound asleep. I should be because I have so much sleep to catch up on, but I can't. I try everything I can think of, but my mind won't turn off. 

A lot of what I'm thinking about is you. I wish you were here, but you're not. We are going to make sure that your little sister knows about you just as much as Abby does, though she won't have ever met you I hope that you will be such a normal part of her life that she tells people all about you when they ask her about her family.

 We brought Nathaniel bear to the hospital with us when I went into labor. I had bought him a little brother shirt. I wanted a big brother one, but I couldn't find one little enough to fit him. Abby has a big sister shirt and there was a little sister one for baby sister when she came. 

I wanted to be able to take a picture at the hospital of all of my kids meeting their new baby sister. With Nathaniel bear as your stand in I was able to get the next best thing. You are still represented. Just as you will be in all of the important days and celebrations of our lives.

We talked about you a lot at the hospital. We told our nurses about you. We showed everyone Nathaniel bear and explained why he is special to us.

 Before we left to go home we got to talking to our nurse about you and found out that two of the nurses that were there last year when you were born were there. One was your baby nurse. The one who had given you your first bath and gotten you ready for us to see you. 

It was so good to see them. They remembered you and were so excited to see us again and meet your baby sister. We talked to them for so long that it was about two hours after we had been discharged that we got ready to leave to go home. 

It reminded me of leaving the hospital last year. Just like last time, we could stay as long as we wanted. No one was making us leave at any particular time. Last year we eventually had to leave and we had to leave you there. This time we were bringing baby sister home with us.

I love you. I'll miss you forever no matter how many more kids I have.

Mommy

Birth day photos of all of my kids.