Passing Tests

This week I had a doctor's appointment. When I got there the receptionist handed me a form to fill out. I was late and was trying to get our coats off so I didn't look at it right away. It turned out to be a questionnaire to determine post-partum depression. I don't know why I was given the questionnaire. Usually it is given to mom's soon after they have given birth. It's been almost a year for me. It had been a hard week so I knew that my answers to questions about how I have been feeling over the past 7 days were not going to be positive. I quickly filled it out.

Here are the questions (The answers are a scale from always to never):

In the past 7 days:

1. I have been able to laugh and see the funny side of things
2. I have looked forward with enjoyment to things
3. I have blamed myself unnecessarily when things went wrong
4. I have been anxious or worried for no good reason
5. I have felt scared or panicky for no very good reason
6. Things have been getting on top of me
7. I have been so unhappy that I have had difficulty sleeping
8. I have felt sad or miserable
9. I have been so unhappy that I have been crying
10. The thought of harming myself has occurred to me

Source: Cox, J.L., Holden, J.M., and Sagovsky, R. 1987. Detection of postnatal depression: Development of the 10-item Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale. British Journal of Psychiatry 150:782-786 .

2Source: K. L. Wisner, B. L. Parry, C. M. Piontek, Postpartum Depression N Engl J Med vol. 347, No 3, July 18, 2002, 194-199

When the doctor came in she told me that I had almost failed. I scored a 9 out of 30. 10 is when they make you do something. She asked if anything was going on. I reminded her that it's been almost a year since Nathaniel died and told her that it's been hard for me lately with that milestone coming up. She was understanding and told me that under the circumstances that a 9 was actually pretty good.

I don't know why this screening tool is used on loss moms. It can't be accurate. Of course I am sad, but I am not depressed. I do not need medication. I am grieving.