Up With the Sun

I just realized that yesterday was the first time that i let myself grieve for Nathaniel all day long. I didn't have to worry about Abby or what to eat or what i was doing. I'm glad. I think it was good for me. It was nice to be able to think about him all day long. I cried more yesterday than in a long time. I will probably be more emotional than I have been in a while for the next couple of days. I might not sleep well again, but that's ok.

I saw the sun rise this morning. I not a morning person, but since February I have seen the sun come up many many times. It has been a while since I woke up that early though. Yesterday gave me a lot to think about.

Every time I am up before the sun I think about Nathaniel. I think that if he had lived I might be up feeding him. I probably wouldn't have today. Dave would have probably been the one up with him. With Abby, I was the one who stayed up late, Dave took the early morning shift. He is an early person. I am not. It worked well last time. We probably would have done the same thing with Nathaniel.