Help Us Feed Starving Children

For the past two years our family, as part of Nathaniel's birthday celebration, has volunteered for the organization Feed My Starving Children along with some friends and extended family members each year. We will be volunteering to pack food again this year for his 4th birthday.

This year I decided to create a fundraising page so that our friends and out of town family that can not participate physically packing food with us can participate by donating money to get the packed food to starving kids around the world.

If you would like to donate you can do so here at https://give.fmsc.org/nathanielslegacy.

Nathaniel Day 24 - Birthday Packing Party

We decided for Nathaniel's birthday party this year to volunteer with our family at Feed My Starving Children. We spent the afternoon packing meals to send to starving kids around the world. Grandmas and Grandpa and Dave's sister and brother in law and their kids were able to join us for the afternoon. I signed us up as a birthday party so there was even a sign saying happy birthday to Nathaniel. It was a little awkward when they were looking for the birthday people and we said Nathaniel wasn't there. We got there late so didn't have a chance to tell anyone beforehand. But if we had talked to someone about the situation maybe they wouldn't have announced his name.

I think everyone enjoyed the packing. Abby did all the jobs. She scooped and weighed and labeled and helped box. She was one tired girl after the session was done. 

I have no idea how much our little group of me, Dave, and 5 kids packed. We weren't very good about keeping track of how many boxes we did. The whole big group ended up packing 125 boxes which would be enough to feed 74 kids for a year.

After the session we bought Nathaniel a bird and a giraffe at the FMSC shop to decorate his grave. We have been meaning to get him some new decorations, but hadn't found anything we liked yet. This way we got something fun and provided 140 meals for starving kids.

After the packing we picked up some mexican food. Most of us went over to Grandma's house for some dinner and birthday cake. It turned out to be a really fun day.

Nathaniel Day 22 - Continuing Christmas Traditions

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months by clicking on the Nathaniel Day Activities tab at the top of the page.

Last year for December's Nathaniel Day we decorated his magnolia tree in the backyard. We decided do that again this year. I think it will be a new tradition for December 6th each year. I took the girls out shopping for ornaments a few days before. Abby chose one for herself and one to be for Felicity. We invited family to join us to help decorate and asked them to bring an ornament for the tree. 

After the tree decorating everyone else left and we got ready to go the the Chicago Botanic Garden for their holiday train exhibit. Abby loved all the trains. There was even a Thomas train and snow falling every once in a while! I think Felicity enjoyed it too. There was so much to look at.

At first Abby ran through the exhibit in about 10 minutes and then wanted to go outside to see the lights. It wasn't dark yet and we had paid to go to the train exhibit so we convinced her to stay and look a little longer. I also wanted to see the cool landmarks and Chicago buildings and hadn't had much of a chance since I had been focused on making sure I knew where Abby was as she darted from train to train.

We ended up staying until the exhibit closed. Then we headed outside to see the lights in the garden before heading home for some dinner.

Nathaniel Day 20 - Children's Museum

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months by clicking on the Nathaniel Day Activities tab at the top of the page.

My sister and her two daughters were here in the beginning of October so they got to join us for a Nathaniel Day. Usually we wouldn't go to the children's museum for a Nathaniel Day because we go there all the time, since we can go for free, but with the cousins around and Felicity starting to be able to do some stuff we decided to go.

We had so much fun. We shopped and worked in a restaurant and took care of babies and pets and danced and played music and surfed. It was a beautiful day so we were also able to enjoy the outside part, where we usually can't get Abby to go. Out there we found things to climb on and a maze to run through and a tunnel to go through.

I think the highlight of the day for both big girls was right before we left I gave them both a penny to put in the donation thing by the entrance to the museum. They were both enthralled watching them go down.

1. Abby working in the deli 2. cousin change race 3. prairie maze 4. getting some money at the ATM
before grocery shopping 5. Abby playing with an infrared camera 6. surfing 7. cousin faces 8. grocery
shopping 9. caring for babies 10. Abby being a checkout person 11. playing music 12. sandwich making

Nathaniel Day 19 - Volo Car Museum

You can now read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months by clicking on the Nathaniel Day Activities tab at the top of the page.

Since Nathaniel Day this month fell on a Sunday, Dave was able to come with us. I had him help plan since he was able to come along. We had looked at going to a circus in the park in Chicago, but it was outside in a tent and it was supposed to be in the 90s so we decided that wouldn't be a good idea. Neither one of us had been to the car museum in Volo so we decided to go there. It was also the last day Abby would be free since under 5 are free and it was her 5th birthday the next day.

Church has changed services to 11 am so our activities for the day started a little late with lunch at a local hot dog place a few minutes from church, right down the street from the museum. Of course Abby only wanted macaroni and cheese which they didn't have, but we convinced her to eat a little chicken with her french fries so she could have a milk shake.

After lunch we headed over to the museum. It was huge! We saw so many cars. There were really old cars, not quite so old cars, cars from TV shows and movies, military vehicles, tractors, a train, and a fire truck. We stayed until the museum closed and then Abby played on the playground outside for a while. We were there so long that the gate got shut on us and we had to find an alternate way out. I don't know if we will ever go there again but it was fun to go to once.

Abby had to go on the car slide outside the entrance to the museum before we went in.

Weird, tiny one person car 

Abby found a car just like her favorite matchbox car, but hers was yellow

Felicity had fun looking at the ceiling. 

Movie cars

Seeing what was in the turtle van

Lightning McQueen!!!

Nathaniel Bear on Vacation

Last month we went to visit my family in Alaska. Since they live so far away the last time we saw some of them was when they came down for Nathaniel's funeral. None of them had seen Nathaniel bear so we decided to bring him along. I didn't want him to get lost so he came along in our carry-on suitcase with Felicity's diapers and our extra clothes.

While we were there a lot of people got to see him. We left him out in the living room at my parent's house the whole time that we were there. A couple people came over and my mom would show him off and make them hold him so they could feel how heavy he is. Often I would see my niece with him when she was over, holding him or hugging him. We also brought him to church with us on Sunday and to a picnic that afternoon so we got to share him with many people that I have known most of my life.

We took a family picture one day while we were there. Nathaniel bear was in it too. He was also in the grandkids picture and the extended family picture. I'm sure those pictures will be up in everyone's homes for a long time. It's not often that we are all together.

I'm glad that we brought him along on our trip even though we didn't do much with him while we were gone. It gave us a chance to talk about Nathaniel with people we wouldn't have otherwise like the TSA agent at the Anchorage airport. We don't have much chance to do that anymore. 

Big Brother Nathaniel

Dear Nathaniel,

You are now a big brother. Baby sister is here now. She decided to come on Nathaniel day so you're going to have to be a big brother and share. Sometimes the 6th will have to be about both of you now.

We named your baby sister Felicity Hope (not Rudolph like Abby wanted). She is a great baby. She eats and sleeps well. And she's really really cute. We love her, but she doesn't replace you or make it all better that you aren't here with us too. I want all my kids here with me. All three of them.

After you were born I spent many many nights awake in the middle of the night. I should have been up nursing a newborn, but instead I was up thinking. I couldn't turn my mind off to go to sleep. I was so tired, but couldn't sleep. So I wrote. I wrote Abby's book. I wrote this blog. Eventually it got better I was able to sleep at night again. All night.

After Felicity was born I was not able to sleep at night. I should have been sleeping since she was, but instead I was awake thinking of you. That's what is happening right now. She's sound asleep. I should be because I have so much sleep to catch up on, but I can't. I try everything I can think of, but my mind won't turn off. 

A lot of what I'm thinking about is you. I wish you were here, but you're not. We are going to make sure that your little sister knows about you just as much as Abby does, though she won't have ever met you I hope that you will be such a normal part of her life that she tells people all about you when they ask her about her family.

 We brought Nathaniel bear to the hospital with us when I went into labor. I had bought him a little brother shirt. I wanted a big brother one, but I couldn't find one little enough to fit him. Abby has a big sister shirt and there was a little sister one for baby sister when she came. 

I wanted to be able to take a picture at the hospital of all of my kids meeting their new baby sister. With Nathaniel bear as your stand in I was able to get the next best thing. You are still represented. Just as you will be in all of the important days and celebrations of our lives.

We talked about you a lot at the hospital. We told our nurses about you. We showed everyone Nathaniel bear and explained why he is special to us.

 Before we left to go home we got to talking to our nurse about you and found out that two of the nurses that were there last year when you were born were there. One was your baby nurse. The one who had given you your first bath and gotten you ready for us to see you. 

It was so good to see them. They remembered you and were so excited to see us again and meet your baby sister. We talked to them for so long that it was about two hours after we had been discharged that we got ready to leave to go home. 

It reminded me of leaving the hospital last year. Just like last time, we could stay as long as we wanted. No one was making us leave at any particular time. Last year we eventually had to leave and we had to leave you there. This time we were bringing baby sister home with us.

I love you. I'll miss you forever no matter how many more kids I have.

Mommy

Birth day photos of all of my kids.

Baby Shower Anxiety

I'm going to a baby shower today for my sister in law who is due in May. I'm excited about it and anxious at the same time. I know that I wouldn't be able to handle a shower for me right now. Will I be OK at one for someone else…who is having a boy? I don't know. I want to have fun, but haven't been to a baby shower since the one that was thrown for me for Nathaniel so I have no idea how I am going to react or if something will be a trigger for me. I seem to be OK seeing babies now so maybe it will be alright. I really hope so.

Nathaniel's 1st Birthday Party

This month has gone by quickly. I just realized that it is going to be March in a couple of days and I haven't posted about the big birthday party yet. So here you go. Sorry for the long wait.

Thank you to everyone who came to the party and celebrated with us, and to those who supported us from far away with messages and donations. We appreciate all of you.

Nathaniel's party had a hot air balloon theme. We invited about 100 people and about 40 showed up on Sunday afternoon for the party. We all had a lot of fun.

We colored balloon pictures, played pin the kid on the balloon, and had a piñata (which got broken accidentally right before we were going to do it, but was luckily able to be fixed with lots of tape). We had snacks, sang happy birthday (Abby blew out the candle on the cake), and had cake and cupcakes.



There was so much food left over. We still have a couple pieces of cake in our refrigerator now and that is after Dave brought a bunch to work a couple of times and we gave some to friends.

People brought books for us to donate to our local library. We also got some donations of books and money from family and friends that were not able to make it to the party.

Abby had fun unwrapping all of the books. Then she would make us read each one to her three times.







We were also given a few other gifts for Nathaniel's birthday. My sister and her family gave us this angel and child figurine. (We got a similar one for Christmas from my other sister.)

My friend Krystal and her family had some trees planted in a National Forest in Michigan for him.









I brought 42 books over to the library last week along with some cash donations. We have since gotten a few more books so are up to 44 now. The librarians were very excited to get all the new board books. And somehow we only got two duplicates.

After they are processed each one will have a book plate in it that says that they were donated in memory of Nathaniel. I'm excited to possibly be able to check out books for baby sister that were donated for Nathaniel.

Nathaniel Day 10 - Decorating and Stargazing

The tree decorators: Grandmas and Grandpa, me, Dave, and Abby with Nathaniel bear

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months here (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9).

For our December Nathaniel day activity we decided to decorate Nathaniel's tree for Christmas. We invited our family that lives close to us to come help. Dave, Abby, and I had each picked out a special ornament to go on his tree. Abby chose a donut, Dave picked a sparkly blue bird, and mine is a sparkly ball with pretty swirly cutouts. We plan to each pick an ornament each year to put on his tree. This year Grandma and Grandpa had brought some ornaments for him too.

Nathaniel bear with all the ornaments for the tree

All decorated.

Family picture in front of Nathaniel's tree

After we were done and the Grandparents left we went inside to warm up with some hot chocolate before leaving for the planetarium. We needed to eat some lunch and since it was Nathaniel day we decided to go out to a restaurant on our way downtown. Abby was very excited about getting macaroni and cheese…and a balloon.

It was cold and we parked a ways away from the planetarium. I did not dress warmly enough so I was ready to be inside out of the wind by the time we got there.

Abby playing with the interactive walls.
She was pushing the astronauts around.

Abby had a lot of fun at the planetarium. We mostly staying in the kid's area, which seemed new from the last time I was there so I was fine staying and exploring with her. We also went to a show. Abby was not as much a fan of that. She didn't like having to wait for it to start and was ready to leave before it was over.

It was one of those 360 degree dome theaters so I knew that I was probably going to feel sick by the end. I did. And then when we went back to the kid's area I decided to do a rocket launch simulation with Abby. Bad idea. I really felt sick then. I think I spent the rest of the time we were at the museum sitting and drinking water to try and get my stomach to calm down.

Rocket launch

The museum closed pretty early (4:30) and with the tree decoration, restaurant lunch, drive downtown, and walk there we were only there for about two hours. Since it was free day that was fine. Next time we go we will have to give ourselves a little more time if we want to see the other half of the museum. I'm sure we will be going back. Abby had so much fun and wasn't ready to leave even when the museum employees were telling us that the museum was closed. She just wanted to stay and keep playing.

Watching the rovers from inside the exhibit

Abby driving a rover

Nathaniel's tree all lit up after we got home.

Ornament from Grandma and Grandpa