It might sound strange, but sometimes I think that my life is too easy right now. Usually the thought comes to me when I am somewhere fun with Abby, like the children's museum or the pool. I should be the mom juggling nursing her baby while making sure the preschooler doesn't dart off somewhere, but I'm not. I can play with her or just sit on a bench and watch her play with the other kids. So sometimes I sit and watch, thinking about what I thought life was going to be like and it makes me sad.
Other days I'm grateful for the easiness. I'm a little sick right now. With a baby I would not be getting as much sleep at night and I would have many more things to do during the day. Abby can be self sufficient most of the time. She knows how to turn on the TV and where her yogurts are in the refrigerator so if I need extra sleep I can have it. She will be fine. She will come get me if she needs something and then I can go back to sleep.
I can exercise. Every day if I want to. I know this is not something everyone can do. I'm grateful for it. It's helping me from feeling crazy. I can do an exercise video at home while Abby is "napping" or I can go for a 23 mile bike ride by myself and not have to worry about needing to be home at a certain time to feed a baby.
I can spend hours writing and connecting with people online. Maybe I would be able to do that with a baby maybe not.
I'm choosing to see the positives, but it's hard. It helps a little. Sometimes.
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