It's all going to be ok

Our family has had a tough year.

Last summer we decided to move. We moved into our new house in September. We put our old house on the market in October, after we moved. It now May and it has still not sold.

It has been under contract 4 times. The first buyer backed out within a few days, the second after inspection because of water issues in the crawlspace. We took it off the market for a few months and had the water issue fixed. The third time we really thought it was going to sell, but after a contract extension the buyer was not able to get financing. We are now on contract number four and are supposed to close in a little over two weeks.

Through it all we have not been stressed or worried that it will sell or that we will not be able to pay our bills. We don't like that it has taken so long and don't really like having two house payments, but we are confident that God is going to take care of us and that it is all going to be ok. We have been through so much worse with Nathaniel's death. God has been with us through that and he will be with us now with this. We just need to wait. With hope.

Nathaniel Day 22 - Continuing Christmas Traditions

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months by clicking on the Nathaniel Day Activities tab at the top of the page.

Last year for December's Nathaniel Day we decorated his magnolia tree in the backyard. We decided do that again this year. I think it will be a new tradition for December 6th each year. I took the girls out shopping for ornaments a few days before. Abby chose one for herself and one to be for Felicity. We invited family to join us to help decorate and asked them to bring an ornament for the tree. 

After the tree decorating everyone else left and we got ready to go the the Chicago Botanic Garden for their holiday train exhibit. Abby loved all the trains. There was even a Thomas train and snow falling every once in a while! I think Felicity enjoyed it too. There was so much to look at.

At first Abby ran through the exhibit in about 10 minutes and then wanted to go outside to see the lights. It wasn't dark yet and we had paid to go to the train exhibit so we convinced her to stay and look a little longer. I also wanted to see the cool landmarks and Chicago buildings and hadn't had much of a chance since I had been focused on making sure I knew where Abby was as she darted from train to train.

We ended up staying until the exhibit closed. Then we headed outside to see the lights in the garden before heading home for some dinner.

Finally Up

It took us about 7 months, but we finally have Nathaniel's pictures that were displayed at his memorial service up in the house. They have been sitting on the floor in the back room for months. Today we found places for them in the house. Abby wanted one in her room. She picked the one with both of our hands holding him. The ones of Nathaniel with just me and just Dave went up on the family picture wall in the living room. Now we just need a more recent one of Abby up there. All of the ones that are there are from when she was a baby.

No Shrines in Our House

Our house is small, less than 1000 square feet, with small rooms and small closets. In anticipation of Nathaniel's birth we had to do a lot of rearranging. It seemed like we moved everything in the whole house around. Abby was moved from her nursery to a big girl room in what was the office and craft room. Everything that was in there needed to find a new place to go. Now the bookshelf, desk, and computer are in the back room and everything that was stored in the closet is now spread all over the house in other closets. Craft stuff is in our room. Some boxes of old pictures and mementos that were supposed to go in scrapbooks and kid friendly art stuff is still in Abby's closet. Games and outgrown clothes and wrapping paper and stockpiled presents are in Nathaniel's closet.

His room is still his room, though he never lived there, but now it is where we put all the stuff that we got for him before and after he was born. The changing table is now piled with mementos from that hospital and cards and envelopes and books about grief. His crib is filled with Abby's clothes that are too small and need to be packaged up and put away in the garage. His shelf is stacked with little tubs filled with dried flowers from arrangements from his memorial service and empty baskets that we got at that time that had been filled with food or flowers. All the toys in his room that were within Abby's reach have been taken by her and are now added to the large collection in her bed. She also took the Bible that the hospital chaplain gave us, but I think I replaced that one back in his room.

His room is not off limits in our house. It can't be and I'm grateful for that. We sometimes go there if we want to be alone to read or write or watch something on the iPad. Right now Dave and Abby are in there having a great time making a ramp out of toilet paper tubes and cardboard and tape. It's nice to hear laughter coming from there. I just wish that it was the laughter of siblings playing together or a baby having a good time in his bed when he is supposed to be sleeping. That can still happen. I just have to wait. Waiting is hard especially when you are waiting on something that you should already have.