Explaining Baby Brother

It's August which means it's back to school time again. It's a time of the year that I love and look forward to for at least the last month of the summer since that means that I will have one less kid at home all day long. It's much more peaceful and I have nap time to do whatever I want. At the same time it is something that I dread because I will have to explain Nathaniel to new people.

This year Abby is in first grade. She is in the dual language program at her school which basically means that she has two teachers and two whole classes worth of kids in her class. Last year there were at least eight dual language kindergarten classes. Any of the kids in those eight classes could be in her class this year. That's potentially a lot of new people.

Today Abby, Felicity, and I went to school to drop off supplies and meet her teachers. Since we were there early there was no one else in the room for a while and I took the opportunity to let both of her teachers know that Abby also has a brother who died. We like to let her teachers know about Nathaniel right away, if possible, because he is very much a part of our family and Abby brings him up all the time. Often when she meets other kids she immediately tells them that she has a baby brother but he died. I've witnessed this many many times at the park when Abby meets someone new. It never seems to bother the other kid at all.

Meeting new people has always been hard for me. I am terrible at small talk and one of the first things that most people ask about is how many kids you have or if you have other kids besides the one that they know about through school or other activity. I hate answering that question and never know what I am going to say. Sometimes I tell people about him and sometimes I just say that I have two girls at home.

As time passes that conversation comes up more often. In some ways it was so much easier at the beginning, right after he died. We told everyone all at once so everyone that we came in contact with fairly regularly already knew. That is not the case anymore. I think there are even people at our very small church who don't know about him at all. We have several new families that have come in the last couple of years and I'm not sure that we have ever told them.

I never know what is going to happen when I tell people about Nathaniel. Sometimes it ends the conversation and sometimes people want to know more. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I'm perfectly fine. Today I got teary when I told the first teacher, but a few minutes later was fine telling the second one. I have no idea why. I really do like talking about him. I just don't enjoy the initial conversation at all.

Nathaniel Day 28 - A Picnic and Ice Cream

With Felicity needing to take a nap and only really sleeping at home lately we have had to make the Nathaniel Day activities pretty small for the past couple of months. This month I asked Abby what she wanted to do for Nathaniel Day. She said "Go to Baby Brother's grave." I didn't want to just go there and hang out so I decided to make a picnic. Dave wasn't going to be home for dinner anyway so we could go whenever Felicity woke up from her nap.

I brought a soccer ball and a frisbee for Abby to play with and we all just hung out in the grass by his grave and enjoyed the nice, sunny day.

While we were there a bunny came over to see us several times and Felicity decided to stand up on her own for the first time.

After our picnic we had a little time before the girls needed to go to bed so we went and got some frozen yogurt for dessert. It was a pretty fun day.

Nathaniel Day 27 - Lunch and Lighthouses

Abby is obsessed with trains. We have found a few restaurants in the area that have trains that bring out the food. She loves them. Usually she doesn't actually eat anything, but she loves going. I found a new one somewhat close to us at the Kenosha Metra station so I thought we would check it out. It was not the best that we have been to. Abby did not like the mac and cheese that she ordered, but drank all of the milkshake that I let her get. She did very much enjoy the trains though.


It was supposed to be a nice, warm day so I thought that while we were there we would also do something that I like and go visit the lighthouses in downtown Kenosha. I haven't been to Kenosha that much and had never been to the lighthouses. It was also the first week that the lighthouse museum was open for the season.

We ate lunch and visited the little museum at the lighthouse on the shore and then decided to go play at the beach and then walk down the pier to the little lighthouse at the end. It was a little cold by the beach but both girls loved it. Felicity crawled all over and tried to eat all the sand. Abby collected all the little things that she could on the beach and used them to decorate a sand castle that she made. We all had a lot of fun and were pretty worn out by the time we left.

On the way home we stopped at Nathaniel's grave to see if the tree above his grave was flowering. We knew it is a cherry tree, but had never seen it in bloom. I'm glad I decided to extend our trip to stop. It was so pretty. If I had waited I might have missed it again this year.

Nathaniel Day 26 - A Little Nature Museum

April's Nathaniel Day is Felicity's birthday. I didn't know how that was going to work. I wanted to do something, but not make the day all about Nathaniel. Last year we were in the hospital so we didn't do anything.

Dave was out of town for the week so we didn't really have anything special planned for her actual birthday. I decided that we would check out one of the local nature museums in a town not far from us. We had never been there before, it was small, and it was close so we would be able to do it in the short window of time between Felicity's naps.

Though the museum was small we managed to spend most of the afternoon there. Abby had to check out all the animals several times and then she found a puzzle of the life cycle of a frog to do. I think she did it at least 10 times before we left. Felicity had fun looking at the turtles and  taking all the stuffed birds out of their pretend nest and throwing them on the floor.

Since it was Felicity's birthday we also had a free kid's meal at Red Robin. I decided to brave going out to eat with both girls by myself. We went pretty early and they both did pretty well. I was too busy eating and getting food to Felicity to get any pictures of that part of the day though.

Two Years

Happy birthday Nathaniel!

Today you would be two. It's hard to believe that it has been two whole years that you have been gone. It really doesn't feel like it most of the time.

We aren't having a big party this year like we did for your 1st birthday, but we are going to celebrate with family and a couple of friends. Abby is so excited for your birthday. When I got up she ran and excitedly told me "It's baby brother's birthday today!". She's been counting down for days. Today she's been asking all day when it was time to go pack meals for kids for your birthday party. We're not going until after lunch. That's a long time for her to wait. The last couple of days she and I have been working on making you a cake. She decided that you would like a chocolate George cake and that she would blow out your candles for you.

A while ago I signed you up for a birthday club so about two weeks ago you got a birthday card from Geoffrey Giraffe. It will probably be the only card you get each year, but that's ok. I considered bringing it into the store to get you the crown and balloon that are part of the gift, but ran out of time. The cake took longer to make than I was expecting and your baby sister is teething and not sleeping well so we have been having a hard time leaving the house lately. I was going to let Nathaniel bear wear the crown and hold the balloon for the party and then bring the balloon to your grave afterwards.

I miss you so so much.

Mommy

P.S.  - You have a new baby cousin. He was born this week. He was born on Great Grandpa's birthday and is named after you. Not many two year olds have a namesake so that's pretty cool.

Nathaniel Day 21 - Packing Food for Kids

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months by clicking on the Nathaniel Day Activities tab at the top of the page.

On November 6th Dave's work group was doing a team building day packing meals at Feed My Starving Children. Abby is now old enough to volunteer and there were spots for us so we left Felicity with Grandma and joined them for the afternoon session. 

Abby had so much fun and was exhausted by the end! She helped scoop ingredients for a while until her arms got tired and then she joined Dave in packing the finished meals into a box for shipping. She was in charge of keeping track of how many boxes we packed. I think our team (Dave's work group plus me and Abby) packed 16 or 17 boxes. 

The whole group that session packed a total of 132 boxes which will make 79,200 meals for severely malnurished children. That is enough to feed 72 kids for an entire year!

Abby's Special Box

Today Abby and I went to a ladies tea at our church. Part of the event was decorating boxes to fill with love or joy or gratitude or encouragement etc. When asked Abby said that she was going to use hers as a special baby brother box for her special things to remember her brother that died. I didn't suggest that. It was all her idea, but I love that was what she wanted to do with it.

Nathaniel Day 17 - Bookworm Gardens

You can now read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months by clicking on the Nathaniel Day Activities tab at the top of the page.



I had two ideas of what to do this month. One was in the Chicago area. The other was in Wisconsin. It was supposed to be really hot around us so I decided that we would head north to Sheboygan, Wisconsin, where it was supposed to be much cooler, to check out a place that I had heard about that looked like it could be fun for Abby. I had never been there before so it would be fun for me too.

I intended to leave in the morning and stop for lunch somewhere along the way. It was an hour and a half drive and it closed at 4 so I wanted to give us enough time to enjoy the whole place. We got a bit of a late start so packed a lunch and ate it in the car on our way.
We drove through heat and pouring rain but when we got there the rain stopped and it was fairly pleasant.

We had a fun afternoon exploring the gardens. They were very cute. Abby had a great time darting all around to see everything and sitting in all of the Adirondack chairs. Felicity even woke up for the last half hour that we were there so got to see some of it too.

We stayed until they closed and then played in the magic school bus that was outside the garden for a while and then it was time to get back in the car for the long trip home. Dave was able to drive partway after work so we met him at Cracker Barrel and were able to all eat there for dinner.

It was a lot of driving for one day, but it was worth it. We found a fun new place to go.

The magic school bus

Abby hanging laundry

Sitting in Papa Bear's chair

Abby watching the cute little baby fishies

Checking out Stuart Little's house

 

Felicity's First Trip to Visit Nathaniel

Several weeks ago we went out to lunch for Dave's mom's birthday. It was a beautiful warm day so we decided to visit Nathaniel's grave on the way home. Dave and I hadn't been there for Nathaniel Day so we wanted to see the new decorations and see if there was grass yet.

The grass planted on his grave was starting to grow and there were buds on the flowering tree above it, but they weren't open yet.

Abby left her balloon from the restaurant for baby brother. That was a big deal for her. She doesn't easily give things up. She also picked a bouquet of dandelions for him and left them on his stone.

While we were there Abby explained to Felicity where we were and why we go there. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was really cute. She definitely understands.

Nathaniel Day 14 - New Decorations and a Baby Sister

You can read about the idea behind Nathaniel Day and the activities of previous months here (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13).

In the morning Grandma and Grandpa dropped off Abby at the hospital to meet baby sister. She had a great time holding her. While she was there the professional photographer stopped by and we decided to take some pictures. We got her to take some with Abby, Felicity, and Nathaniel bear. 

It wasn't quite the picture that I had imagined since Felicity wasn't wearing her little sister shirt anymore. She had gotten it all dirty earlier in the day. I will just have to try again later to get all three in their sibling shirts.

Abby had been calling baby sister Rudolph since some time in December. When she met her she continued, but by the time Abby left she stopped calling her Rudolph and started to use her actual name.

Abby stayed and had lunch with us at the hospital and then Grandma and Grandpa took her back to their house.

I had planned to take Abby to the store to pick out some new, springy decorations for Nathaniel's grave, but since I was in the hospital Grandma took her. Abby picked out a sunflower for baby brother. I had found the pinwheel before Easter in the dollar section at Target.

It wasn't the day that I had imagined, but I never thought that I would be having a baby that day. From now on Nathaniel Day will also be celebrating her too.

Big Brother Nathaniel

Dear Nathaniel,

You are now a big brother. Baby sister is here now. She decided to come on Nathaniel day so you're going to have to be a big brother and share. Sometimes the 6th will have to be about both of you now.

We named your baby sister Felicity Hope (not Rudolph like Abby wanted). She is a great baby. She eats and sleeps well. And she's really really cute. We love her, but she doesn't replace you or make it all better that you aren't here with us too. I want all my kids here with me. All three of them.

After you were born I spent many many nights awake in the middle of the night. I should have been up nursing a newborn, but instead I was up thinking. I couldn't turn my mind off to go to sleep. I was so tired, but couldn't sleep. So I wrote. I wrote Abby's book. I wrote this blog. Eventually it got better I was able to sleep at night again. All night.

After Felicity was born I was not able to sleep at night. I should have been sleeping since she was, but instead I was awake thinking of you. That's what is happening right now. She's sound asleep. I should be because I have so much sleep to catch up on, but I can't. I try everything I can think of, but my mind won't turn off. 

A lot of what I'm thinking about is you. I wish you were here, but you're not. We are going to make sure that your little sister knows about you just as much as Abby does, though she won't have ever met you I hope that you will be such a normal part of her life that she tells people all about you when they ask her about her family.

 We brought Nathaniel bear to the hospital with us when I went into labor. I had bought him a little brother shirt. I wanted a big brother one, but I couldn't find one little enough to fit him. Abby has a big sister shirt and there was a little sister one for baby sister when she came. 

I wanted to be able to take a picture at the hospital of all of my kids meeting their new baby sister. With Nathaniel bear as your stand in I was able to get the next best thing. You are still represented. Just as you will be in all of the important days and celebrations of our lives.

We talked about you a lot at the hospital. We told our nurses about you. We showed everyone Nathaniel bear and explained why he is special to us.

 Before we left to go home we got to talking to our nurse about you and found out that two of the nurses that were there last year when you were born were there. One was your baby nurse. The one who had given you your first bath and gotten you ready for us to see you. 

It was so good to see them. They remembered you and were so excited to see us again and meet your baby sister. We talked to them for so long that it was about two hours after we had been discharged that we got ready to leave to go home. 

It reminded me of leaving the hospital last year. Just like last time, we could stay as long as we wanted. No one was making us leave at any particular time. Last year we eventually had to leave and we had to leave you there. This time we were bringing baby sister home with us.

I love you. I'll miss you forever no matter how many more kids I have.

Mommy

Birth day photos of all of my kids.

13 Months

Today is 13 months since Nathaniel died. I had a hard time thinking of something fun to do today. Abby and I are both a little sick so I didn't want to go somewhere inside and infect lots of people. It's also supposed to be warm so all the snow will be melting and it will be sloppy and I can't walk for long without pain so an outside activity is out too. I decided yesterday when we were at the library that I would let Abby get a movie and we would have a movie day and if we are up to it we might go to the park.

The day is really not what I would like it to be, but that's ok. I don't really need the distraction any more and can't do too much activity anyway.

I'm sure we will keep doing fun things for Nathaniel Day each month. They just might be small things for a while. That's ok.

9 Months

Today has actually not been bad. I really wasn't sad at all. It seems every month it gets easier and easier to make it through the sixth. I guess that's a good thing.

Abby and I had a fun day. We didn't do anything terribly big or exciting. I'll post on the Nathaniel Day activities in another post in a few days.

We still don't have our Nathaniel bear. I was sure we would have it by now since it was supposedly shipped last week. Yesterday I got another shipment notification that it was going to be shipped today, but I checked on it and it seems that it still hasn't shipped. The waiting is driving me crazy. I need to stop thinking about it and checking on it all the time. We will eventually get it. It really doesn't matter when.

100th Post

I haven't posted for a while so here are a few random things:

This is my 100th post. I didn't think I had that much to say when I started this blog. 

I got past 1 million likes the other day. Crazy! I think it took 10 days from when I posted about it.

We carved pumpkins the other day. Abby insisted that we needed to buy one for Nathaniel and carve it. We did, I didn't take a picture of it, we put it out on the porch and some creature ate his face off. Stuff like that always seems to happen. It's so annoying. It seems to always be Nathaniel's stuff that breaks or is lost, not Abby's.

We're still waiting on our Nathaniel bear from Molly Bears. We were told that it would be in production by October 31st, but that's in 2 days and I haven't heard anything. I know it will be here soon and it will be way sooner than I had originally thought, but the waiting is hard.

I have an idea of what we will do for next month's Nathaniel Day. It won't be as much as most months. Dave is working. It's a Thursday. Abby has story time at the library on Thursdays so we will go to that. It's in the late morning so we will probably have lunch somewhere and then do our Nathaniel Day activity. We might have some friends join us this month. It's fun when other people can participate too. 

Making Nathaniel Hearts

I have been meaning to start making paper hearts with the envelopes and flowers we got for Nathaniel for a long time. Today was a beautiful fall day and we didn't have any plans or need to do anything so I asked Abby if she would like to help me. She wanted to help and seemed to have a fun time. We ended up making two batches so we have two different colored hearts drying in our back room right now. I'm curious to see what they end up looking like when they are completely dry.

What we started with. A pile of papers and some dried flower petals.

Abby did a really good job adding the water.

Testing to see if the hearts are dry enough.

All done. Look at what we made.