I'm Glad I Don't Have a Job

I am glad that I don't have a job outside the home right now. I'm a stay at home mom to Abby and have been since she was born. I don't have to deal with corporate policies and different kinds of leave this time. If I had lost my first child I don't know what I would have done. I can't imagine having to be back at work right away. I assume I would have still gotten maternity leave, though I had no baby at home, but I really don't know since I haven't had to live through that.

At the Stillbirth Summit bereavement leave in the United States was brought up and the fact that FMLA leave can't be used if you have a child that dies. People at the conference are trying to change that. There is legislation being worked on right now to include stillbirth and the death of a child under FMLA. You can sign a petition here.

According to the government a child that is stillborn doesn't exist. They are not included in statistics about infant deaths. You don't get a birth certificate or a social security number. You don't qualify for FMLA. You don't get to claim them on your taxes for that year. You can not add them to your health insurance so any medical bills you get for them you will have to pay yourself. Their birth is not a qualifying event for changing your health benefits.

I didn't know any of these things before Nathaniel. Now we know some of them firsthand and some through the experiences of other loss parents. Things need to change. Our babies existed. They were born. That needs to be recognized. You should not have to fight for the acknowledgement that the full term baby that you gave birth to and held in your arms existed.